Thursday, July 14, 2011

Would u consider me suicidal if i thought about disappearing (as in dead and missing)?

so since last yr, there were times i did randomly have feelings of being ok dead. its b/c i feel like a failure unable to find a fulltime job. but it was just some random day, maybe when i got notice that i didnt get a job or i couldnt pay off my bill. in the past, i have half-seriously considered disappearing so no one would know where i am b/c i feel like a burden on others. last month, the guy i was seeing told me that he could never be with someone like me and it tore me up really bad but i didnt cry or say anything to him (he was always mean to me and i would just put up with it not saying anything). after that, i went home and cried two days straight. he added to the self-loathing i was doing already and i cried b/c i felt he confirmed my failure as a person. i thought about 'disappearing' often this month or orchestrating something like an accidental death. truth is, i have a great family & me doing this would just hurt them. I am afraid that for two years now, its not gettin any better for me. Am i at risk for actually doing it? and if i am, should i get help now?

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